Prior to the Astros' eventual win over the Athletics on Wednesday, Miss Texas USA -- also known as the lovely-and-talented Daniella Rodriguez -- was tasked with throwing out the ceremonial first pitch. Here, in amazing technicolor, is how that went ...

All right. Good glove-side run, and as always the 15-foot slider has the potential to get swings and misses. That was not good, sure, but consider how high-fashion footwear compromises command. And as any pitching coach will tell you, pageant sashes prevent full extension and proper deceleration after release. Apply full context, and that's a hard strike on the black.

In the end, was it demonstrably worse than 50 Cent's Utmost Heave of Shame? No, it was not worse than 50 Cent's Utmost Heave of Shame. So good job, Miss Texas. We love you.