So it's Friday. We knew that. We also know it's the day before the dumbest invented "holiday" in the history of mankind*, Valentine's Day (yes, my wife knows I'm saying this -- she agrees with me). That means it's the 13th of February. Friday the 13th!
(Cue eerie music)
*Some have noted that "Sweetest Day" is worse, but I refuse to even acknowledge that's a thing
Since the killer for almost all of the Friday the 13th franchise, specifically, is named Jason, we are going to broaden our horizons a bit to include anything related to horror movies. It's the Friday the 13th All-Horror Team.
[We could never thank baseball-reference.com enough for all its uses, but it's particularly handy in something like this]
Catcher - Edward Deady
I had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find a catcher. Deady's records are incomplete, but he did catch one game in the minors in 1898 for Omaha/St. Joseph. That's good enough. I needed a dude!
First base - Harmon Killebrew
Here's our stud. "Killer" is a Hall of Famer and boasts 573 career homers. He led the league in home runs six times, RBI three times and won the 1969 MVP. He also has a very horror-movie last name.
Second base - Creepy Crespi
Creepy spent 1938-42 with the Cardinals, only getting regular playing time in 1941, when he hit .279/.355/.350. This isn't a team looking for on-field skills, though, and he's definitely got the name.
Shortstop - Hal Leathers
Leathers spent nine games in the majors in 1920, with the Cubs, but he's here by virtue of having the closest match to "Leatherface" of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" fame.
Third base - Richie Hebner
Hebner is here by virtue of his nickname, which is "The Gravedigger." He actually had a long and productive career, playing 18 years and topping 200 doubles and homers with a .276/.352/.438 (119 OPS+) line.
Outfielders - Van Snider, Chucky Yates, Steve Lyons
What is Van Snider doing here, you ask? His middle name is Voorhees, as in Mrs. and Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th. Winner. Snider only saw action in 19 games with the Reds in 1988-89, but his middle name is Hall of Fame worthy in this exercise.
Yates should be obvious (Chucky! "Child's Play" franchise). He only played seven games in Indy ball in 1997, but he's the only Chucky in the registry.
Lyons' nickname is "Psycho," which was also the name of perhaps the most influential horror movie of all time.
Designated hitter - Ron Jackson
Jackson was born Ronnie Damien Jackson. Damien! "The Omen." Jackson spent a decade in the bigs, playing mostly for the Angels and spending some time at DH. His middle name gets him a slot here.
Starting pitchers - Candy Cummings, Jim Coates, Randy Wolf, Jeff Samardzija
Say Candy's name five times and he may appear to strike you out. The Hall of Fame pitcher from the 1800s was my favorite choice to get us a "Candyman" entry on this list.
Why is Coates here? His nickname was "Mummy." That works. In nine years at the big-league level spread from 1956-67, he went 43-22 and was once an All-Star.
Wolf is my selection among several choices for "The Wolfman." We all remember him, right?
As for Samardzija, his nickname is "Shark" and I figured we could throw him in here for "Jaws."
Relievers - Mike Myers, Thomas Hannibal, Bill Krueger
The 13-year reliever, Myers, was born before the "Halloween" franchise was launched, so his parents had no idea they were giving their child the same name as a fictional mass murderer. He's the only perfect match on the list and, thus, easily the best horror movie name in baseball history.
He's got company in the bullpen, though. Hannibal Lecter ("Silence of the Lambs" and more) is one of the big-screen's great characters and Thomas has the same last name.
And Mr. Krueger, of course, shares his surname with the razor-fingered Freddy ("Nightmare on Elm Street"), who'll haunt your dreams.
So there we have it, our horror movie baseball team on Friday the 13th. Enjoy a scary night and make sure to set the fun police straight in the comments section, if need be.
